Hey there, long time no see.
My path on re-discovering my identity as a Christian has continued to be slow and occasionally downward spiralling, but with a new year comes new hope! Hopefully this renewed spirit will continue to grow and flourish. This past Sunday at Calvary, Pastor Rick outlined the new series titled Learning Loyalty to the King focusing on the gospel of Matthew. One major point (actually, the only point I bothered to write down) was a quote from Skye Jethani. Apparently this Jethani dude is a pastor and writes things…but anyway:
Many church leaders unknowingly replace the transcendent vitality of a life with God for the ego satisfaction they derive from a life for God.
(Emphasis mine)
This immediately brought a couple rhetorical questions into my mind:
As the saying goes “the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem”, and perhaps I’m one step closer.
I’m not big into resolutions, but maybe this year I’ll be strengthened and led to the following spiritual hallmarks:
This past week at Calvary the guest speaker spoke on Isaiah 6:1-6 with relation to vision.
One topic or resonating theme dealt with pride and service. Now, apparently King Uzziah was the bee’s knees when he first started as a servant of the Lord. The Lord’s victories through King Uzziah started to get to his head and he became filled with pride and thought he could do anything he wanted (2 Chronicles 26:16-21). As a result of his pride, King Uzziah became a leper…
The speaker touched on how Uzziah’s pride (I am the shit!) led to the downfall of his ministry (I am cursed as a leper and will now die…), as well as how many of us who serve with our talents/gifts in our respective ministries fall victim to pride as we receive praise and, perhaps more significantly, bolster ourselves with the notion that we are good at what we do. This hit home, deep within the neurons of my brain and the chambers of my heart. I am probably amongst the rare few who will actually confess that: Yes, I do think I do a good job [with others] serving in musical worship. However, I can definitely be even better…
Perhaps it was this lofty thinking which contributed to my fall; certainly it is not the only cause. The pride and knowledge that “We can lead these songs and make them sound good” has ultimately helped silence me. I wonder if it helped the Christian community alienate itself from me though? I wonder how many hated the way I sang, played guitar, and contributed to the teams? Is every church like this, or was it just that one? Will I ever play for the Lord again?